~ (via thelovewhisperer)
~ Psalm 94:19 (via courageous-rain)
I was working on a script last night. I felt sooo sleepy so I decided to pm my friend about what I’ve worked on. So I got online. As I checked my notifications, I was tagged on a classmate’s post. It says that she was included among the 1st honorables. It was ended with ‘We both have this Jane Fela <3’ line before the momentous hashtags. My drowsiness faded. I silently cried and thanked God because I was surprised to see that I was also included on the honorables. I texted Kate with ‘KATE!!!” to confirm what I’ve just read. She replied ‘parang alam ko na to :(’ I got confused by her reply. Then I asked about the post. She replied ‘Ayun laude yung 3, tas si chami honorable. Hindi namin alam bat napasama si chami tapos ikaw hindi.’
And I was shut by the world. I replied, I wanna see the photo of the honor lists they took.. hoping that she was just kidding me around and later on surprise me that I was included on the list. So she sent the photo. There I found my name NOT on the list. I was really really upset. I misunderstood Chami’s post. She meant to share with me the honorable stand she got because I was not included. That was the worst feeling I ever had. Napahiya ako sa sarili ko. I tried to fight the pain and all the negative thoughts that overflowed after digesting that I won’t graduate with honor. I reminded myself that God has greater plans for me at matagal ko ng hinahanda ang sarili ko para dito.
Since 2nd year, I figured out that I am no longer a cum laude candidate because I got a 2.25 grade on my Filipino subject. They said I can still make it to 1st honorable. But that remaining chance was gone when I received another 2.25 on our TV Production subject last sem. (I’d blogged about that before..if you wanna feel the intensity of my story..you can read it here) It’s a painful incident for me because I know, everybody in our class knew that I don’t deserve that grade. My grade should have been higher because I served as the Executive Producer of the class for that subject. I did one of the big works for that class.
Pwede mong isipin na bakit ba sobrang big deal sa’kin na magkahonor? Bat di ko na lang palagpasin diba? Let it go, let it go acc to the song. I’ve already asked myself that question for numerous times. But what my heart is fighting for.. hindi ko nakuha yung dapat na para sakin. The issue that makes this incident more hurting is that I didn’t get what I deserve after all my efforts, my hardship. Hindi naman ako ganito masasaktan kung hindi ko pinaghirapan eh.. kaso pinaghirapan ko kasi.. pero dahil sa pagkakamali ng iba, nawala lahat ng dapat na para sakin. Yes, I’d blamed that professor for several times. Even last night, my worst night ever, I blamed her again.
The effort to fight the pain last night was given up. I stopped working on the script, went up to my bed and opened my heart to God.
As I poured out all my emotions before God.. this one thought came out. If only I already had full confidence that I can be a cum laude when I first entered college, if only my self-esteem was not low when I left high school, maybe I didn’t get a 2.25 grade in Filipino. Kasi kaya ko naman pala. The curriculum isn’t that really hard. Lagi ko ding sinasabi, ‘wala pa kasi akong pangarap noon’ kaya hindi ko napataas pa grade ko nung umpisa. I just go with the flow by the time. I was upset by the thought that I was also blaming myself for what happened now.
Then God poured out upon me every lesson I learned from the preachings I just heard that day. I saw myself crying in pain. Naiintindihan ko na naman kung ano yung tinuturo ng Lord sa’kin pero ang sakit-sakit talaga. I took pleasure in being honest with God by the moment that I am really in pain. And I know God sympathizes with me; na naiintindihan Niya ang bawat sakit na nararamdaman ko pero kinailangan Niyang hayaang mangyari yon para mas mapatatag ako. Na hindi lahat sa buhay, makukuha mo. Not everything I want in life, I would get, even how much I deserve them, I won’t get it. Because not everything we think we deserve is the best for us. There is only ONE best in life-God’s plan. God’s plan for us has something to do with character. It is not God’s main role to give us comfort; instead
His role is to make us consistently in faith and develop our character. And the character of humility, trust and eternal motivation is being teach upon me now. Humility in terms of accepting God’s will for my life. Trust in terms of believing that God has only good plans for us and never planned against us. So when something painful happened to us, that doesn’t mean God wanna make things harder for us. Instead, trust that at the end of this race, we’ll experience God’s good plan for each of us.
*to be continued
Things never happened like I imagine them. I’m not bitter. I’m just stating a fact.
What’s on my schedule today is our recollection. The first time I heard about it, I didn’t think twice whether I’ll attend or not because I would love to. I have this good impression of recollection. It was a first impression because I’ve never had such on my elementary and high school days. I just learned from others what is it all about- reflection. So the thought made me firm in deciding to attend the event. To my disappointment, our recollection was just hours of listening to a priest. The priest was lively and has a good humor. I have nothing against on the priesthood and even on what he’s teaching us. However, my idea of recollection was not met. I thought there would be groupings, activities, etc that would help us reflect how our life has been throughout college. But there was none.
It’s not that I can’t simply reflect my college life on my own. I can. But what I hoped is I’d be reflecting with my college friends.
Okay, so much for my rant, gonna do this reflecting thing alone with the question.. what have I learned in college?
Many say that words aren’t always enough to describe how they feel. But for me I need words to define what I feel. For me, it sucks when there are no exact words coming along with my feelings. It’s hard not to know and it sucks just to feel. I’m really asking God to put words into it. Pray for me.
~ (via kvtes)
~ (via thelovewhisperer)
I did the video coverage so I only had these few photo shots..and i love them all c: #wedding #firsttime
I got 2 first times for today. To witness a Christian/born again wedding and to cover an entire wedding ceremony.
Please complete the sentences below:
My college life was
when it rains, it pours.
Life in LPU Cavite can be described in three big words:
of the formed routines and old cuisines (fast food meals: McSaver, 39ners, flavor shots)
just when I least expect I’ll be considered as a ‘best’, I heard my name after the title ‘Best Director’, ‘EP’ (Executive Producer) and the ‘President’. And just when I thought I am a ‘best’, I got a 2.25 grade from a subject I’d poured out all my time and effort, a workload I’d felt all kind of emotions every single day. It caused the loss of my scholarship and my final chance to get the honorable stand. Just when I thought, I don’t deserve things, I get them; and when I thought I deserve things, I lose them.
with the disappointment I felt, I learned to be content. With the trials I faced, I discovered faith. With the inconsistent friends I met, I found wealth.
The biggest learning I had in my stay at LPU Cavite is
Taking responsibilities is too risky. It can either build or break you. It opens opportunity for genuine learning and develops courage for far greater tasks and trials. However, as it opens a certain door, other door closes because to take responsibility involves ‘priority’ and ‘commitment’. One way or another, I can’t enter on all doors even how much I wanted to; only a sneak peek will do.
After college, I will be
choosing my battles well.
I never thought that life in college is/ was/ will be
an avenue of aspiration. Back then, I thought I’ll live college as simple as I was in high school. But college life offered me odds which made my life complicated (haha) and from the piled up complexities, I aspired to be better. A better friend and a better leader.
Because of LPU Cavite, I am/ will be
more confident to deal all types of people, to stand upon what I believe in, to embrace hardships and to live the ‘real’ world.
Other things you want to say/ write
To God be all the glory.
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." -Jeremiah 29:11
Men. Happy birthday :)
Birthday prayer ko for you, hindi na wish, prayer na para diretso kay Lord. Haha.
I pray that He’ll continue to bless your life, fulfilling all your needs, mapa-physical to emotional needs man yan.. and most especially, spiritual needs. I pray that as you continue taking the journey of life, you’ll come to know Jesus’ love a deeper more.. the love which can calm the storm when it rages inside you, which can heal the pain every time that heart gets broken, the love which can make you happy regardless of whatever difficulty you are facing. I pray that He’ll continue to make you a beautiful lady inside and out. I pray for more blessings of friendship and wisdom.
Jesus loves you so much men. Don’t you ever think that this day is one of the ordinary pages of the project 365. It’s one of the most special pages for a bunch of people because a Kate Coleen Ramos came in living. Life may have not offered you some happy endings from the past chapters of your life.. pero may mga next chapter pa.. and be reminded that God who created the entire universe, the ever mighty God, is the author of life. And that’ the good thing. Madalas lang kinukuha ng tao yung pen from God and tried to be in control with the remaining pages kaya nag-eend up failing yung story. Pero as the reality laid upon us, wag natin agawin kay ever mighty and beautiful God yung control sa buhay natin.
Ilang taon ka na ba? 19? 20? 21? Hahaha. Sa ika-21 year na phase ng buhay mo.. HAHAHAHA, I pray that you take pleasure in offering your life pen to God.. surrender it to God :) hahahaha 21.
I love you men. Kahit di ako sweet at di tayo magkasundo sa ilang choices mo sa buhay, gaya ng wallet na binili mo sa artwork na gandang ganda ka at hindi naman ako nagagandahan; ang 50 Shades of Grey na gustong gusto mong basahin at ipinagbabawal ko sa inyo ni Aprilita; ang pag-inom mo ng softdrinks, (though minsan nainom din ako lols) at iba pang mga choices mo.. mahal kita (iwness intensity level 10 pero dahil birthday mo naman, sige na level 4 na lang, hahaha)
Ayun. Dapat isesend ko lang to sa text. Eh napahaba. Kaya blog na lang. Haha. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEJE QUEEN!
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