You don’t even bother to feel me.
As long as there are lights, we can make it through.
*What is your dream?
Mahalaga na may pangarap ka sa buhay. Mahalaga na habang bata ka pa alam mo na kung ano yung gusto mo. Yung tipong pag tinanong ka ng how do you see yourself in 10 years ay may isasagot ka. Well, para sa madami hindi siya madali. Kasi nga naman madalas along the way ka pa lang maeexpose sa madaming bagay at dun mo pa lang maaidentify kung anong gusto mo. Pero maganda na pagtungtong mo palang ng college alam mo na kung anong gusto mo. By then, set your dreams and settle in your heart na ang dadaanan mong track ay papunta doon. Na hindi ka paliko liko sa mga dadaanan mo at hindi ka sobrang magtatagal sa mga stop overs mo.. kasi alam mo kung san ka patungo.. kasi may goal ka. Mahirap pag gumraduate ka ng hindi mo pa din alam ang gusto mo at kung saan ka na lang matanggap na trabaho. You shouldn’t settle for less kasi anak ka ng Diyos, anak ka ng Hari ng mga hari, Panginoon ng mga panginoon. The God who created the entire universe owns you so why settle for less? Sobrang dami ang nagsesettle for less w/o them knowing through not establishing and withholding their dreams. Hindi ako naniniwala na walang pangarap ang mga taong nagsettle na for less.. bawat isa siguradong nangarap yan.. pero along the way naintimidate yan sa pangarap ng iba, o kaya nainggit sa pangarap na iba at iyong pangarap na ng iba ang pinangarap nila. Yung iba inisip na hindi naman niya kayang maachieve yung pangarap niya, feeling nila hindi nila deserve ang pangarap na yun. Kung sa perks ang sabi we accept the love we think we deserve, naisip ko ganun din sa dream.. we accept the dream we think we deserve. Pero hindi dapat ganun. Kung may pangarap ka, i-lay down mo lang lahat kay Lord yan. Gaano man kaliit sa tingin mo yang pangarap mo, panghawakan mo yan. Hayaan mong si Lord ang magpalawak niyan. O kung masyado ka namang natataaasan sa pangarap mo, okay lang din yan.. ipagkatiwala mo sa Diyos yan. Magtiwala ka na Siya ang magtturn into reality ang tila ba unreachable dream na yan. Kayang kaya ni Lord lahat yan. Kaya ikaw ano bang pangarap mo?
Kung naidentify mo na kung ano talaga ang tunay mong pangarap.. mag-pray ka ng mag-pray at mag-aral ng mag-aral para sa pangarap mo na yan.
—I was scanning my notes on my phone when I passed through this. I wrote this during the time I am waiting to be qualified in a job. It was the time I realized I was so incompetent for my dream then God encouraged me once again to continue dreaming. Though I’m certain that I am miles away from my dream, everything’s possible with my Lord.. so I’m really holding on.
Yes, I made it up to the Manila International Book Fair in spite of the raging storm.. even I have no camera at hand to capture my long awaited haven. While I’m on the train, seeing how strong the storm was, I was checking my feelings whether I’m in fear or any negative vibes for still pushing my way to the fair.. and there was no hint of fear. There was a little regret by the time because I realized my parents won’t love to hear my plan but there was no fear that something bad might happen on me due to the unsafe rain. There’s no turning back. I was also checking my feelings if I’m getting sentimental or any melodramatic vibes were creeping in.. but there was none again. What I feel seems so realistic. It’s like 'I am heading to the fair, will buy some books, stay in a cafe if the rain gets inconsiderate of my going home, then soon leave, period.' That very straightforward feeling, no hints of nostalgic-ism, was very new to me. That is not so me because the Jane that I know is sentimental and melancholic especially during rains and unusual adventures. And that was the moment I knew God has really changed a great portion of my heart. Healing, I guess.
So I made it safe to MOA. Funny because on that rainy peak point of time I crossed path with 2 familiar faces, one was Ella (my college classmate) and the other was Viel (elementary classmate, high schoolmate and a cousin, haha). I saw BAYO was on sale so I had a sneak peek of what’s inside and ended up buying some stuffs. Then I finally went in SMX for the fair.
There were only few people when I came. The place was on a quiet ambiance maybe because of the rain and the few enthusiasts inside. It was so different from the fair my friend and I attended last year. But I know, it was just because of the rain. I also had read a blog post about 35th MIBF’s first day and the blog said it’s nothing but exciting. So the quiet mood is just so caused by the heavy downpour of rain. Haaaay. But of course, a book lover will always be a book lover regardless of the mood, so I ended up buying half a dozen of books. I’ll recall to myself why I grabbed these books later when I come back because right now, my sister is getting pushy to leave home and attend our ministry prayer so bye for now.
Gracious Tempest (Live from Youth) - Hillsong Young & Free → x
So it’s raining very very hard today. Office work has been cancelled just a while ago yet I can’t make my way outside the office because the rain is so non-stop. I have a list of what I can do for this waiting-for-the-rain-to-stop moment be remarkable but I feel not so doing anything. All I want to do is to get my Xperia from the service center then head straight to SMX for the Manila International Book Fair. But I am so stuck in here, burning dvds for our promo materials, scanning new blogs again which made me feel more excited to get my Xperia to capture life again, chatting randomly with my funny friends on Facebook and typing here. Sorry, I know my rant is so non sense compared with other people facing real consequences of this storm. I pray we’ll all be safe. Hold on Jane, the sun will soon be shining.
Every time I open any Pro Tips books, I know that reading’s gonna be worthwhile :) Best of Pro Tips book launch tomorrow at the 35th Manila International Book Fair :)) Two of the most beautiful woman I knew gave life to this book all for God’s glory! <3
In story, prayer, love, 091414, breakthrough, heart, unfathomable infinite God,
Today I want to thank you for everything. Thank you kasi ngayong araw na to nareceived ko yung parang pinakafullness ng change na kelangan ng heart ko. Di ko po sinasabi na perfect na, alam ko pong malayong malayo pa.. pero nakita ko po na malayo na rin yung narating ng change ng puso na to kumpara noon. At dahil yun sayo Lord. Today I felt and I’m sure that I got one step closer to you Lord.. na matagal na panahong hindi ko nagawa.. kasi hindi ko pala talaga magagawa by my own. Salamat po sa very deep reminder na hinding hindi ko dapat binabalewala o least na cinoconsider ang bawat magaganda, ang bawat miracle na ginagawa mo sa buhay ko, maging ang mga corrections mo po sakin. Lord salamat kasi yung hardened heart ko na to muli minelt mo ng pag-ibig mo. Salamat kasi hindi mo kinaiinipan ang pagbabago ko. Salamat kasi kahit hindi ako palaging tapat sayo, palagi kang tapat sa’kin. Tapat Lord, faithful, never swaying pagdating sa pagmamahal mo sakin. Etong pag-ibig mo na to Lord, infinite talaga. Yung akala ko yun na yun, hinding hindi pa pala. Tunay Lord your thoughts Lord aren’t my thoughts. Your ways aren’t my ways. Yung ways mo ng pag-ibig sakin sobrang countless Lord. Sobrang unfathomable. Sobrang infinite Lord. Kaya sobrang salamat talaga kasi hindi ka tumigil para mas maramdaman ko yung pag-ibig mo na buong buhay ko palagi kong hinahanap sa tao. Lord maraming maraming salamat po talaga.
Gustong gusto ko pong magamit mo ulit ako para mapakilala ka naman sa iba, para maishare ko ulit yung pag-ibig mo. Hinihiling ko po na gawin mo pong sabik yung puso ko sayo, gawin mo pong bukas na bukas yung puso ko sa pag-ibig mo para napaka smooth flowing, napaka buhay at totoong totoo ko pong ma-share to sa iba. Ibalik mo po ako sa pagmamahal sa kapwa ko Lord. Yung pagmamahal na walang halong ibang motibo. Yung pagmamahal Lord gaya ng love mo, full of compassion.
Sobrang salamat din po Lord sa buhay ng mga kaibigan ko na kapatid ko sayo. Salamat po sa buhay nila. Dalangin ko po na sabay sabay kaming maggrow sa pag-ibig mo. Sabay sabay na matunaw lalo yung matitigas naming puso ng pag-ibig mo. Salamat po sa joy na binibigay mo sa tuwing magkakasama kami. Salamat po Lord for I really have found a family, a home in them. Mahal na mahal ko sila Lord. Sobrang salamat po sa buhay nila. Wag mo pong hayaan na mawala ang isa man sa amin sa faith life na to. Keep us all Lord in your love. Kahit sumusuko na yung iba, wag na wag mo po silang susukuan.
Hay Lord. Nakakamangha ka. Gusto ko pa pong madiskubre ang iba pang kaya mong gawin sa buhay ko. Salamat talaga kasi ako na ganito lang, napakaordinaryo, minahal mo ng ganito. Iba ka Lord, ibang iba talaga.
I can still remember how I first felt the art of letting go when that favorite cardigan of mine fell on the jeep which I rode from. I was in my 2nd year in college. Sobra talaga kong nanghinayang noon. But then I managed to let go of the feeling, accept what happened and not to rant about it over and over again. Dahil alam ko kahit gaano pa kalaki yung panghihinayang ko, hindi na non mababalik yung cardigan ko. (Cardigan pa lang yan, haha)
Even until now, I’m still in the art of letting go and will forever be. Reality is, there’s just really so many things we need to let go in many different times. That there are so many things which will be gone from us and we all need to accept that. We are really not in control; that no matter how much you plan, you take care of things, you will still loose hold of it because that’s just how it was supposed to be.
You know the sad part of my story- losing the chance to get into my dream school, into the honor roll, the guy I love and the list goes on. Well, God helped me to totally let go of those and fully moved on. Life goes on and along the way, you will encounter again situations what’s all left is to let go and you’ll remind yourself it’s fine, it happened before, it will mold you stronger. You will remind yourself, without difficulties, you won’t know how to be strong. Without losses, you won’t know how to be found and won’t discover things on your own. Without pain, there’ll be no thrill, there’ll be no tears and you won’t find how awesome it is to be joyful. Without hardships, you won’t know how to be grateful on where you are right now and won’t learn that they are God’s way of bringing you somewhere. You won’t discover how beautiful life can be with the Lord if you learn not how to simply let go of things you are never in control.